The leaky canoe


Motherhood – she’s a real b*tch. Just when you think you have everything “under control”, she’ll throw you the curveball you never expected. It’s been a brutal couple of weeks over here. Amidst all the usual end of year madness,  I’ve had very sick children, work stress, endless house dramas (really dishwasher, really? not you too!) and a chronic condition that is begging me to get some sleep. I’m SO GRATEFUL and #blessed that I actually have a house, a husband, children, a job but you know, sometimes you just get tired. So tired.

I visited my homeopath last week; squeezed him in between meetings and school events and repairmen, and asked him “when?”. When will the stress stop so that I can feel calm and relaxed and in control again? Wise man that he is, he peered at me over his glasses, and said this: “You are paddling a leaky canoe. You are patching it as you go but you have to keep paddling. There are rapids and waterfalls ahead, you have no choice.”

A paradigm shift. All this time I’ve been waiting to reach The Land of No Stress. And sometimes we’ll have a couple of peaceful days, or weeks, or months, and I’ll think, this is it, we’re here! But at our life-stage, with multiple children, jobs, friends and family members, there will always be upheavals. There will always be broken appliances, and sick children, and bills to pay. There will be bodies that complain and nights of no sleep and nothing in the fridge. And so I press on, paddling my leaky canoe, using every tool I have but especially mindfulness. One thing at a time. The most urgent first. And then the next and the next. Breathe.

(Photo credit: The Photo Forest)

Concern versus fear


Yesterday, America chose fear, greed and evil over love, hope and faith. I’m not particularly political, but I do think a lot about the nature of fear. That’s my job as a HypnoBirthing teacher and doula. Fear is the enemy of a peaceful birth, but it is also the enemy of peaceful parenting.

How does fear feel in the body? For me, it is heavy, dark and static. Fear carries no action – it is stuck. Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the difference between fear and concern. What is concern? How does is feel? Concern is paying attention; it is not positive or negative but it is awake and aware. It feels lighter than fear doesn’t it? How do things change when we are concerned, but not fearful?

We choose holistic childbirth education classes because we want to be truly informed and educated.

We take time and effort to choose the kind of medical and non-medical support team that we know supports our birth choices.

We think about how we want our babies’ first minutes, hours and days to be, and plan accordingly.

We seek like minded people to form our village of support – in real life, or virtually.

We research topics like vaccines, circumcision and weaning to ensure we make the right choices for our children.

We think about the kind of childcare that best suits our babies, and later, the kind of education that will best foster well rounded, healthy and happy little minds and bodies.

We curate our spaces and time to match our values, philosophies and goals as an individual and a family.

We let go of things, wherever possible, that feed our fear.

We live in concerning times, my friends, on a macro and a micro level. But start where you are, at the very smallest unit of society – a family – and start paying attention. Choose concern over fear.